I was speaking with a friend today and she said that since turning 50, she feels completely invisible to everyone – especially men.
It’s funny, I feel more visible now than I did twenty years ago, hands down. But is that because I FEEL better inside and out (self-confidence certainly counts), or is it because I am more visible due to other things – like physical aspects (losing weight, skin removal, etc).
I do know that how we dress and present ourselves to the world is wholly up to us, but it also has a direct correlation to how the world sees us.
Think about it.
Do you tend to notice someone with no makeup, a messy bun and sweats or jeans more than, say, someone with a well-fitted dress, coiffed hair and at least minimal makeup? Is the more dressed down person moving along with his or her head down, comfortable but a bit more self-conscious or not interested in gathering gazes? I know when I’m fully dressed and had time to “make myself up,” I definitely carry my head higher and move with more intention.
So, is “ageism” real? Absolutely. I think that has been repeatedly proven as women have continued to have longer careers, step back into the full time working world after raising their kids or just existed.
It’s never too late to begin again. We all deserve time to catch our breath and regroup.
There have been days when I’ve hit the ground running, confident that I am moving in the right direction as a 50 something woman in 2023. Most days, I tentatively crawl out of bed just waiting for another shoe to drop (not the OTHER shoe, apparently there are several pair just hanging up there).
Nooks and crannies randomly hurt, with or without injury. Thoughts sometimes evaporate before me like vapor. One day I need ten hours of sleep, then I cannot sleep at all for days.
I drink water. I do yoga. I meditate, mediate and proscrastinate. (That last one is always a work in progress.)
I do the same things I did when I was 20, only more cautiously now because one wrong move could mean a sprain, pull, strain, tear or fracture.
But I’m ok with growing older.
It’s “aging” that I have an issue with.
I don’t plan on giving up my dresses, blonde highlights, moisturizer and makeup any time soon. In a way, these things are my security blanket because when I am wearing them, I feel most confident. When I’m confident, I can get much more accomplished and feel better mentally, physically and spiritually.
I don’t think age has a “look” and I don’t believe that we naturally grow old gracefully by letting ourselves move away from doing the little things that make us feel better – even if it seems superficial to some.
If you’re at your most confident wearing sweatpants, a tshirt, Crocs, messy “mom” bun and a bare face, then congratulations…you know yourself and have learned what makes you feel best.
If, like me, you feel at your best when you’re fully made up, clean and well rested, that deserves a congratulations as well because we have also learned what makes us feel glorious.
There is no right way to age or get older. We’re all just doing the best we can. One person’s retirement age may be filled with cross country trips in an RV, zigzagging between family members. One may be content just relaxing on a beach somewhere with a line in the water and nowhere to go. For some (like
me), my fifties is all about rediscovering what I enjoy and learning new things.
Sometimes, I succeed and find a new skill or talent I was completely unaware of. Sometimes I fail miserably at the initial intention, but still feel a sense of accomplishment because I TRIED something. I swallowed my fear, nervousness, anxiety and just jumped.
Right now, my fifties is not just about pausing – but restarting. Pressing that reset button and to hell with what anyone else thinks about it.
As long as my family is taken care of, my marriage strong and my children and grandson are healthy, everything else is manageable.
Maybe even perfect.
